by JoAn Majors, RDA
For more on this topic, go to www.dentaleconomics.com and search using the following key words: tough conversations, integrity, permission, honesty, innocence, JoAn Majors, RDA.
If you missed the first part of this article, I would like to suggest that you go back to the September issue of DE and read it. This should help you and your team have a more complete understanding of how changing a few thoughts, questions, and insights can greatly improve your tough conversations in the practice.
In Part 1, I shared a statement that is at the heart of these conversations, “When it comes to delivering tough conversations, starting with the right question and the right attitude can change everything about the encounter and the outcome.” In short, are you starting with your arms open or closed? Whether the conversation is from doctor or administrator to team, team to doctor, practice member to patient, or even practice to lab or vendor, the system to communicate with an effective outcome is the same.
Briefly, in Part 1, I suggested that you use four techniques:
1) Ask permission to coach, or
2) Ask permission to be honest
With Step 1 or 2, you start by asking the party if you can share. This takes the edge off, almost as if the person who is being asked is in charge. For years, a staple idea taught in sales classes was, “He who asks the questions is in control.” This allows both parties to choose to participate. He or she is now engaged in the process by saying “yes.” It is a symbiotic relationship, not a reprimand.
In 17 years of using and sharing these systems, I do not remember a case in which the party being asked said “no.” For any doubting Thomases, you can mark this off your “that would never work in our office” list. You will have to do better than that!
3) Leave out the limiting terms
4) Assume innocence
Using Steps 3 and 4 in these types of conversations changes the dynamics. Remember not to minimize the offense, behavior, or issue by using terms that limit the impact. This is not to say that there are no instances to use words such as we, little, sort of, or kind of. It’s just that when you are discussing someone else’s issue, it is not the time.
If you think you need to use these words, then perhaps the issue is not important enough for a formal conversation. On the other hand, it’s important that you assume innocence.
There is just no way to know the story unless you ask the right questions. The issue at hand could be, and probably is, a symptom of something much bigger happening. Keeping an open mind is the first step of open sharing.
If you are anything like I am, a team member or manager who wants to be a better leader or like my husband — a practicing dentist and wants to grow — you might have read Part 1 and thought, “What else?”
In other words, how do we finalize the next step and measure the result with an agreed-upon outcome? We use accountability and measurable results.
If the individual who is being asked the questions (because of a performance or behavior issue) is one who rarely says much, you need to help the person make a good decision or urge the person to take part in the outcome. If this conversation is with someone of many words, it is important to stay out of the way and let the person outline the next step and outcome. Some examples are listed below.
If you covered with the team member that you are concerned (as he or she should be) about that person’s tardiness (personal texting, Facebook use during office time, or whatever the issue is) and you have documented this, there is one of two options to finalize this often difficult conversation. In addition, both parties should document the conversation with their signatures and the date.
If you have a conversation with someone who has a strong personality or is outspoken, I suggest something such as this: “Susan, now that you and I have discussed your tardiness, how do you suggest we move forward?” Once documented, you could ask, “What do you think should happen if this agreement is violated?”
On the other hand, if your conversation is with someone who is a more timid individual, it is best to try to engage this type of person evenly. For example, “Susan, now that you and I have discussed your tardiness, how should we move forward?” Once documented, you could ask, “What are we going to decide what will happen if our agreement is violated?”
These final steps should give everyone an understanding of the documented concern, how to move forward, and the action to be taken if violated. Remember, this conversation started out with a question.
The question allowed the team member to choose to become engaged by saying “yes” when he or she was asked about being coached or being honest. This puts the situation in a different mindset than the traditional, “I want to see you in my office” attitude.
The rule of thumb is: Don’t leave it to chance. Make a choice of how it will be handled and what will happen if it is not. Therefore, the bottom line to this system is:
5) Document an agreement of how to move forward with the issue
6) Document an action of what will happen if the agreement is violated
Let me share some “big business” statistics on conflict resolution. From the statistics in the following section, it is evident that it is important to be proactive.
